I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
zippers are such a cool invention
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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