Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
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I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
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my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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