I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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