Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
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I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
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Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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