watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize