Heybabeimwearingurpanties
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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