So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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