i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize