sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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