So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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