dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
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I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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