1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize