I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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