WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
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I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
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Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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