is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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