True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
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