I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
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Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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