hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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