Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
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His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize