so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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