so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize