I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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