If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
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