I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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