Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
God, I missed his penis.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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