She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
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I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
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I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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