my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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