someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize