I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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