Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
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Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
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Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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