FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
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I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
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He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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