Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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