If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
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It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
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I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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