I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
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I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
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I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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