so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize