he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize