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She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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