So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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