I wish I only lived at night.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize