Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
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When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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