What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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