On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize