His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
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Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
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I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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