I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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