at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
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She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
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Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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