I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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