Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
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I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
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My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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