so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize