I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize