dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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